From Steven Grant's IMPOLITIC:

A bland week in politics was abruptly livened by a couple events: Iowa's largest newspaper, THE DES MOINES REGISTER abruptly and improbably endorsed Sen. John Edwards, underscoring the instability that remains in the Democratic primary race despite the recent apparent anointing of Howard Dean; and former Secretary of the Treasury Paul O'Neill, unceremoniously dumped from his job a couple years ago, mostly for advocating an economic course the White House thought impolitic, advertised his new book on 60 MINUTES by verbally assaulting the Hand Puppet, claiming, among other things, that the offensive against Saddam Hussein was in process well before 9-11, that the White House knew there were no "weapons of mass destruction" inside Iraq even while touting them as the rationale for invasion, and that, at meetings, the Hand Puppet was often "disengaged" and "incurious."  Not that any of this is news, but it's nice to hear it verified by an Administration insider.  Though O'Neill's hardly an insider now.  The White House's main response to the "revelations" is to accuse O'Neill of leaking state secrets, though the Justice Department cleared all the papers O'Neil took with him when he left, and the one he held up on 60 MINUTES, despite its "Top Secret" tag, has been available to the public (www.judicialwatch.org/IraqOilMap.pdf) for ages.  Revenge investigations give me such a warm and fuzzy feeling; the aroma of Nixon administration nostalgia is almost overwhelming.  

Meanwhile, after discussing it with my advisors, I've decided to throw my hat into the ring as an independent populist candidate for President Of The United States.  And I've got the populist message that no other candidate dares speak that'll take me right to the top:  

Let the rich pay for it! 

Let's face it, Americans don't like their politics complicated.  Both political parties make the error of believing Americans care about ideology.  But Americans don't care about ideology, they only care that things work reasonably well, preferably with as little negative impact on them as possible and certainly with as little as possible on anyone they have to deal with on a daily basis.  And, despite what party has been in power for the past thirty or forty years, American domestic policy has basically consisted of subsidizing the rich (Republicans usually refer to this as "a broad-based tax cut" or "supply-side economics" or "capital gains tax cuts" or "defense spending" –  and what's that about the Hand Puppet looting Social Security? (http://slate.msn.com/id/2093707) – while Democrats just sort of grunt and mumble and change the subject when it comes up) and making the poor and middle-class pay for it.  That's easy to understand, right?  

Now I know what you're saying.  You're saying "Class warfare!"  And I say: you bet your ass it is.  Class warfare's practiced in this country every day, but it's the rich warring on the poor and middle-class. You never heard politicians claim the root cause of poverty is the poor, or that the homeless live miserable, debilitating lives because they're too lazy to get jobs?  You never heard an administration claim more people are working when unemployment rolls shrink instead because for great numbers of people benefits have run out so they're now collecting welfare instead of unemployment?  

Anyway, it's brief, concise and simple to understand.  Lemme give you a frinstance:  

Want a good education for your kids?  

Make the rich pay for it! 

Want quality health care for your family without paying through the nose for insurance or living at the mercy of an HMO?  

Make the rich pay for it! 

The government wants adventurist foreign wars?  

Make the rich pay for it! (And let them send their sons and daughters to fight!) 

Want to make sure you've got enough food for your family, and the heat won't get off in the dead of winter?  

Make the rich pay for it! 

Want good roads to drive on?  

Make the rich pay for it! 

Want everyone off welfare rolls once and for all?  

Make the rich pay for it! 

Want air and water that won't poison your children? 

Make the rich pay for it! 

Yeah, yeah, I know, it's their money, but my money's my money too and your money's your money and I don't see the government saying they can't take that.  I mean, we're in deep, deep deficits here, the Euro's skyrocketing against the dollar, and somebody's got to pay off those debts.  How come it's always Average Joe Taxpayer?  Does anyone really need more than, say, $20 million?  That's half a million spending money per year for forty years, and that's without doing another lick of work in your life.  If you can't live on that, that's just sad.  For those snotty pundits who demand to know the details of the plan, let me just say what every Democrat and Republican says when asked that question (hell, the Hand Puppet pawns off this one all the time): details forthcoming.  Like right after I'm elected.  

The best part is, since I'll be running my campaign basically for free right here from the Internet, I won't be beholden to any “special interest groups”.  Which is, as we all know, a fancy way of saying "rich people."  

It's the perfect populist platform for the 21^st century. Say it loud, say it proud, say it with me:  

Make the rich pay for it! 

Feels good, doesn't it?  Say it again:  

Make the rich pay for it! 

And remember me on Primary Day and Election Day.  

©2005 Steven Grant.  All rights reserved.  No reprinting anywhere in any form or medium without express written permission.